Open and Honest communication: why is it so hard, especially with our kids? Fear is the answer. We are afraid of how the person hearing our request or complaint will react. The three main ways people respond to a situation are being passive, being aggressive and being assertive. In my opinion, assertive is the best.
Being assertive means honestly communicating our thoughts, feelings and needs to others in appropriate ways and takes into account both the way we say something as well as when we say it.
Christine Hawkins
Owner KMEC Hunter
When we react passively, we say nothing. This results in the person who said nothing to feel more and more annoyed and may even end the relationship. This leaves the other person not knowing why it happened or if there was anything they could have done differently to save the relationship.
When we react aggressively, the other person usually goes on the defensive. They may respond with aggression or they may stop communicating all together. Either way. aggression is not the way to achieve a healthy relationship.
When we react assertively. we describe the behaviour that is concerning us objectively, we express how we feel about it, we specify the behaviour we want and we state the consequences, which are positive wherever possible.
For example, instead of nagging children to clean their room, we could say: ” Having a clean and tidy home is important to me. When your room is a mess it annoys me. I would like you to put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket and have your things put way in your cupboards. When you do this you can spend 1/2 an hour on your PlayStation.” (you choose the consequence that works best to motivate your child to do as you ask)
Be brave and have fun with this. You never know, the results may surprise you.
