Brighter Futures – June 2021 - Kip McGrath Hunter

Helping Children to be More Flexible in their Thinking

I read an interesting article recently that I would like to share with you. It can be found at this web address: http://connectedfamilies.org. It is called: ‘A Practical Idea for Teaching The Skill of Flexibility’ by Jim and Lynne Jackson.

It outlines a technique a parent found very useful when dealing with her son who had difficulty coping when things didn’t go the way he expected and I thought it linked in nicely with our last newsletter on creativity.

Christine Hawkins
Owner KMEC Hunter

“If I said we were having chicken for tea, my son might think it was chicken nuggets. Then when he came to the table and saw chicken breast, he would scream: “That’s not what I wanted! I wanted chicken nuggets!” and get so upset he’d refuse to eat.”

Sound familiar? We have all experienced a situation similar to this one. Some children engage in rigid thinking because it feels safe; while others haven’t developed flexible-thinking skills yet. The good news is that flexible thinking skills can be taught and practiced. Here is the creative way this mum explained it to her son. You will need an ice-block stick and a pipe cleaner.

Talk to your child about how sometimes people just want things to go their way, and if they don’t get their way they explode! “That’s being rigid, like this ice-block stick. When rigid people don’t get what they want or what they expect,” I said, pressing the stick, “they just keep trying to make things go their way, and then BOOM, they explode!” The stick snaps in your hands.

Then pick up the pipe cleaner. “Other people can bend and change when they need to in a situation, like share a toy when they didn’t expect to or be okay with a different kind of cereal in the morning.

That’s being flexible like this pipe cleaner – it can bend when it needs to and then it can straighten back out again like it was. A person that can do that is flexible.” Talk about other times when your child had been really flexible. “You were so flexible when…., and that helped everyone have a great time!”

Then later watch for other times when your child is flexible and remind them of how helpful it is when they are. Sometimes giving your child a heads up before an unexpected change or challenge can help them cope better. You might say, “Now this is going to be an opportunity to be flexible. Do you think you can do that?” Their own prediction of success helps them to be flexible – when they say “Yes I can do that.”

When kids develop flexible-thinking skills they are better able to think creatively and solve problems. This story perfectly illustrates that sometimes children misbehave because they lack the skills to behave appropriately. But when we take the time to teach and affirm these important life skills, it can empower kids to make wise choices that will help them thrive in life.

Remember… “Pipe Cleaners” not “Ice-block Sticks””